Publication Date: January 25, 2025
“Courtship should be serious and simple; it should flow naturally from spontaneous affinities and affection between two people.”
The courtship dance towards betrothal is often the heart of our beloved historical romances and certainly is the central focus of Jane Austen novels and other works of the era. Part of the fun includes the rules of etiquette, namely the restrictions, and the search for love during a time of arranged marriages for convenience.
In this post, we’ll explore the landscape, from the excitement of a young lady’s come out in society to the rules of what she could and could not do with her love interest during the courtship phases.
Primary Topics: societal debut, introduction to marriageable partners, etiquette during courtship through betrothal.
Coming out in Society
For a young lady to be considered “out,” she need not experience a formal debut, first season, come out ball, or otherwise. To be “out” only means her parents consider her ready to participate in social events (and, in doing so, be available for marriage). “Ready” depended on the parents’ own definition, of course, be it their desire to remove her as a responsibility by marrying her off, the young lady being well accomplished and ready to take society by storm, the young lady’s level of maturity, etc. It was rare, even amongst the wealthiest families, for a young lady to have a debut ball. A betrothal ball, yes, but rarely a debut ball.
When a lady was “out,” that was the term used. The word “debut” and “debutante” were not used until late Regency, 1817, to be precise, although it took a few more years to catch on in conversational usage. By contrast, prior to 1817, a debutante having her debut was restricted to more vulgar references to actresses, never to a gentlewoman or to her come out in society.
Before Coming Out in Society
Before she’s officially “out,” a young lady, regardless of age, is considered “in the schoolroom,” still learning her accomplishments. The ages of coming out differed. Those anticipating a London season were around 17-18 years old. Those in the country with no anticipation of a London season would come out earlier, around 15-16. The ideal age depended on the family finances, if they had any beaux in mind, family needs such as the care of younger siblings, and so forth.
If not yet “out,” she is restricted socially:
No traveling
No parties
No dancing
No afternoon calls
Off to bed before festivities begin
Familial company and immediate neighbors her exclusive companions
During her “schoolroom” ages, she would train to master her accomplishments. One of my older and briefer posts offers some insight into a lady’s accomplishments. It can be found here. It was these accomplishments that would help her stand out to suitors. Depending on her social situation, she might have personal tutors, such as a dance master, music teacher, etc., a governess, older siblings, or parent/guardian/relative who trained her. Accomplishments were a young lady’s greatest assets in entering society, proving she could entertain, converse, manage a household, and more.
A few accomplishments included:
Music performance (in multiple instruments but especially voice, harp, and piano)
Dance
Needlework
Painting and Drawing
Conversation
Penmanship
Foreign languages (Latin, French, German, Greek, etc.)
A young lady’s education was surprisingly impressive, so don’t think she only trained in these accomplishments, as she would have been just as well versed on mathematics, sciences, and beyond, but that’s a topic for a future post!
After Coming out in Society
To be “out” means her mother or guardian has declared she is ready for socializing. This can be achieved by the family hosting a dinner for neighbors and the young lady attending the dinner or by calling on a neighbor for the first time. If she’s “out,” she can:
Call on neighbors
Receive callers
Attend parties
Travel with family and friends
Stay awake past her bedtime
The Societal Debut
How a young lady would come out into society depended on her family’s standing and social inclinations. Far fewer young ladies would experience a London season than you might think. The only young ladies who would be offered a season were those whose families were often in London and participated in the Parliamentary Season politically and socially.
Not all aristocratic families participated socially, even if the head of the household was politically active, and not all aristocratic families saw the purpose of a formal debut since the more austere the family, the more likely their daughters would already have a marriage partner chosen.
A formal debut with a London season would involve a presentation/curtsy to the queen (possibly), attending at least one ball to display one’s accomplishments (to the bachelors), and calling on ladies of influence with whom the family held a connection.
A season was complex to arrange (as we’ll explore in a future post) and exceedingly expensive—which you can glimpse in this Fast Fact on the cost of a young lady’s season. A young lady could not have a season without a well-established sponsor who was willing and able to secure invitations, present her at Court, help secure the needed attire, etc. It was no simple task and only married women who were well established in London society and had taken their own curtsy before the queen could sponsor and present a young lady.
Speaking of curtsying to the queen—this wasn’t all that popular. The first appearance of anything like this was when Queen Elizabeth I chose to have women presented to her so she could choose her ladies in waiting. We don’t see this again until Queen Charlotte opens her drawing room socials, and part of this is to have the young ladies from the most influential families be introduced to her. If a young lady wasn’t from one of these influential families, she wouldn’t have attended or curtsied. Even then, this was such a new element of the season, not every influential family saw the need. It wasn’t until Queen Victoria that we see this become an important element of the debut. If we’re being truly accurate to the era, the only times in a historical romance we should see a young lady curtsying to the queen during her come out in society is if she’s the daughter of a duke, earl, or marquess, but even then only if those figures are politically active in their aristocratic roles, socially active in London, and do not already have a marriage partner in mind for their daughter.
Gentry families and commoners did not often participate in the London season nor have formal debuts, not unless the head of the family was a Member of Parliament and expected his family to participate in the social season when Parliament was in session. For a country debut, a young gentlewoman would call on friends and family with her mother or guardian as the introduction to her being “out” in society. She would, if applicable, attend a village assembly.
Two fun posts to read more about a young lady's entry into society can be found from Regina Jeffers "A Young Lady's 'Come Out' in Regency Society" and Donna Hatch "Fun Facts About Coming Out in Regency."
What was historically happening and what we see in our hist roms isn’t quite the same, but then, isn’t that the fun of fiction?
A Young Lady’s Introduction to Marriage
Coming out into society and being matched to suitors was, arguably, the most exciting time of a young lady’s life. In addition to the newfound freedom she had to attend parties, stay up late, attend dinners, call on neighbors, and more, there was promise of more freedom still to come. Our modern views of marriage before women’s rights can shadow our understanding of what young ladies felt at the time, which was that marriage meant freedom.
To be married meant one would be the lady of the manor, the mistress of the household. This was a position of great domestic power. No more living under a guardian’s thumb, rather one ruled the roost of their own home.
She chose what the family would eat for every meal.
She chose how to decorate the house.
She chose when bedtime was for herself and the household.
She chose what games would be played in the evening.
She chose how to entertain guests.
She chose the daily schedule for her, the staff, and the household.
She chose what company she kept, who she wished to call on, who she wished to receive.
The list goes on! She had the complete run of the house and members within, be it staff or family.
There were additional promises to come with marriage, as well, such as:
All new attire
Children
A lifelong companion
New friends
Her own carriage in some instances
New entertainments to attend
To become part of society was exceedingly exciting, and marriage was the cherry on the ice cream with additional promises of its own.
Marriage Prospects
Marriage in the Georgian era was primarily to strengthen familial connections, specifically to increase land and lineage. This is about strong families connecting with strong families to make even stronger families. Be it land, lineage, or reputation, it was all about networking.
The primary reasons to marry two people together:
Extend network
Connect families
Connect landholdings
Ensure good bloodlines continue
The potential marriage partners for a young lady were from families with whom her family already associated, all based on shared values, shared interests and hobbies, shared location, shared friends, etc. Suitors would have been vetted for years prior based on their family connections.
Something we often see in hist roms that is a myth of the era was marrying for social advancement. There was not a social hierarchy, as has been discussed in previous posts, such as the Nobility post. One’s position in society was to do with their family lineage and reputation, never their wealth or title, and no one “advanced” through social ranks. Advancing and promoting is a modern American concept.
In the Georgian era, the 15th Baron Handsome will have more connections, land, friends, and reputation than the 2nd Earl of Nobody. For that matter, the social circles closed ranks. Someone of the gentry would marry someone of the gentry because those were the people of their social circle, immediate landholdings, etc. Someone of the aristocracy would marry someone of the aristocracy because those were the people of their social circle, immediate landholdings, etc. Commoners married commoners. Could and did the occasional social circle cross for a marriage? Certainly. But it was rare, mostly for those obvious reasons that a young lady would be matched to family friends, not to a stranger of the family and certainly not for social advancement.
Marrying for Love
All that said, you might be thinking this was an age without love. Not so! Family were the primary matchmakers since they had the advantage of knowing the reputations and advantages of available gentlemen. Young ladies depended on the sage marital advice of their family. But that did not mean couples did not marry for love.
LOVE was an assertive driver of marriages during the Georgian era, or more specifically the Regency era. Are you surprised?
Let’s focus on the Georgian definition of LOVE
Romantic Love: skin deep, physical and emotional only
True Love: lifelong happiness, a deeper love than physical alone—intellectual connection, shared interests and views, long-lasting and stable marriage
Jane Austen’s stories portray True Love vs Romantic Love. Women were at risk of falling for the sins of romantic love, which would never offer a stable or good marriage. It was true love they should seek.
True Love
Heroines are rational, practical, reasoning
They determine if the match is good, long lasting, and will lead to happiness and stability, and ultimately love
Heroes must prove themselves worthy, virtuous, consistent, intelligent, of good character and judgement.
Romantic Love (ie LUST)
Emotional and physical only, not long lasting, not stable, not happy
Marianne Dashwood and Mr. Willoughby
Maria Bertram and Mr. Crawford
Fanny’s mother in Mansfield Park
Lydia Bennet and Mr. Wickham
Georgianna Darcy and Mr. Wickham
Mr. and Mrs. Bennet (yes, I said it)
Practical without Love
Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins
Without proper vetting, the risk of Romantic Love, ie LUST, was too great. This would be the ruin of a young lady, either by reputation or with a loveless and miserable marriage. Thus, the arranged marriage by family was the most accepted, most appreciated, and best way to go.
We might balk at this idea because it sounds to our modern ears like the family will choose a suitor the young lady does not want rather than the love of her life. But we must put ourselves in the shoes of the time. Think of arranged marriages like matchmaking, nothing more, nothing less.
Parents vetted suitors rather than choosing the suitor or requiring the marriage. They vetted the suitors to ensure there was good:
Family lineage
Land ownership
Social connections
Reputation
Demonstration of “good ton” as in high fashion and good manners
Security for the young lady in the way of a jointure in the marriage settlement.
To be considered a good suitor, gentlemen needed to bring the following to marriage:
Land
Holdings
Assets
Care after their own death
Familial housing should anything happen to the young lady’s family members
Annual gifts of income to the young lady’s family
Pin money for the young lady
Etc
Given how sheltered the young ladies were before their come out, matchmaking was absolutely desired. The young ladies depended on their families for sound advice. They wouldn’t know a reputable gentleman from a rake or be able to spot a gambler or fortune hunter. The family was there to throw out the bad apples. The idea was to save the young lady from heartache, scandal, wrong choice, and especially from romantic love. The aim would be true love. The parents selected the eligible bachelors, and then it was up to the young lady to form the loving connection.
Stages of Courtship
There are three stages of courtship, generally speaking:
Introduction
Courtship
Betrothal
Introduction
During the introduction phase, the family ensures the young lady and the suitors of choice are introduced in public, such as at an assembly, ball, village event, dinner, etc. This provides the young lady a chance to talk with the suitors, play cards and games, potentially dance with them, and generally become acquainted. Important to note is that the suitors being introduced to the young lady have already been vetted by the family and deemed acceptable marriage partners. The introduction itself is the “signal” to both the gentleman and the young lady that their union would be welcome. Once the introduction is made, both gentleman and young lady have the choice to either remove themselves by showing disinterest or move forward by showing interest.
The introduction phase may last a few days to a few months, depending on how well acquainted the family already is with the suitors and if we’re in the country or city. The sooner the young lady makes a decision about which suitors she fancies the most, the better, since a delay will likely have the suitors turning their attentions elsewhere. If the young lady shows enough interest, the gentleman, if also interested, will then send flowers and call on the family.
Courtship
Contrary to popular belief, there is no “permission to court.” All suitors who move from the introduction phase to calling on the family and sending flowers are officially courting the young lady.
Courtship is typically short. It could be as short as a week, in fact. Let us keep in mind that vetting has already happened. The family already know each other. There is no reason for lengthy “getting to know each other” time. The time of courtship is purely to ensure there is a companionability that will lead to love and to show interest of both parties to move forward.
Courtship is public and involves escorting the young lady out and about, such as carriage rides and walks through the park, as well as calling on the family during at home hours.
By the end of a week, or thereabouts, the gentleman would need to express his intentions for advancing the relationship. The steps towards betrothal would look a little something like this:
Ensure his advances are welcome by asking the young lady if he should/could approach the father.
If she says no, the courtship ends.
If she says yes, he approaches the father before the proposal
The marriage settlement would then be discussed before the proposal is offered. This may sound early to our ears, but since the settlement could make or break the situation, it must be established before the father grants permission for a proposal. It’s not too early for the settlement since the gentleman already has the nod of approval from the bride. All depends on if the gentleman and father can agree on the settlement.
To read more about the marriage settlements of the era, what was in them, how they were negotiated, and more, enjoy this post: Marriage Settlements of the Georgian Era: Land, Money, or Love
If the settlement is a winner, the father will grant the gentleman permission to propose to the young lady officially.
To read more about the proposal traditions of the era, enjoy this post on Proposal Traditions: Myth vs Facts of Georgian Era Marriage Proposals
Betrothal
The betrothal period lasts a minimum of four weeks to allow for the “time of calling,” ie the banns to be called in their parish church of residence. This timing is exact and cannot be shortened. The steps are thus:
A minimum of one week before the banns, the couple must apply to the parish clerk.
The clergyman of the parish must first agree to officiate the marriage and must verify residency of one or both parties within the parish
For three consecutive Sundays, he’ll call the banns, which are to ask the congregation if there are any known impediments
To read more about banns, visit my previous post, but it is important to understand that these are not wedding announcements rather the asking of the congregation for impediments to ensure the couple can and should be married.
If there are no impediments, then after the three-week call, the couple is allowed to marry. The couple then has three months in which to marry. If the couple does not marry within three months, they will need to apply all over again to have the banns read anew.
There is no such thing as a long-term betrothal. There is, however, a long-term understanding where a couple or a family may have an informal promise to consider marriage at a future date, but a betrothal is a legally binding contract in the Georgian era, punishable by law if broken, and a timed affair when it comes to applying to the parish church and officiating the ceremony.
We’ve looked at weddings before in the Wedding Tradition post.
Weddings were private. We don’t have large weddings with celebrations and guests until the Victorian era. The Georgian era saw only private weddings. The clergyman set the date and time based on his schedule rather than the couple or family choosing. The only people in attendance would be the couple, the clergyman, and two witnesses, and usually those two witnesses would be the curate and clergyman’s wife. It was the wedding breakfast that was the moment of celebration, and this would have been held by any and all social classes, from the poorest to the wealthiest. Not everyone held a wedding breakfast, of course, as some couples married and moved forward with life, but if there was to be a wedding celebration, it would be the wedding breakfast to celebrate after the ceremony. Once married, neighbors would call on the couple to congratulate them for a few weeks after.
Scandal
As we finally move into some of those rules of etiquette during courtship and betrothal, it is important to consider the risks involved. One did not take the rules of etiquette lightly. Scandal could singe a gentleman just as much as a young lady. There is a lot of leeway offered the gentlemen in hist roms, but the reality was bleaker, as a gentleman could and would be as ruined and as shunned as a young lady. The differences were with the friends and family. If a gentleman was ruined by scandal, it was only him affected. If a young lady was ruined by scandal, however, her entire family and closest friends would be ruined alongside her.
Let us suppose for a moment that courtship did not go as planned, and there is the verge of scandal. What are the possible outcomes?
If the gentleman refuses to marry the young lady, the options include:
Young lady’s family withdraws from society in hopes of silencing the situation
The family marries her to someone else on the sly to silence the situation
The family force him to marry her by way of bribery (ie Darcy and Wickham)
The family sues him for Breach of Promise
If the gentleman offers to marry the young lady, the situation will be immediately silenced regardless of circumstances. If the scandal, whatever it might have been, was too public to be silenced by the marriage alone, then the scandal will be rewritten as a “love match.”
The Etiquette of Courtship
The rules of courtship differed during flirtation and betrothal. We see a wide spectrum in novels during flirtation, courtship, and betrothal, some novels showing far too much modern leniency that would never have occurred during the Georgian era, while others show far stricter etiquette than would have been during the era. Both what was allowed and what was not might surprise you.
Most of the rigid rules we see are Victorian etiquette norms, not Georgian. There’s a great myth about, say, our Austen inspired heroes and heroines being in a room alone together and being compromised. This wasn’t actually a thing. If our hero and heroine were caught in a room alone together, no one would think much of it unless they were in an intimate embrace. Being “compromised” is a popular plot conflict and trope, but it was not a concern of the era, not unless, as mentioned, there was something more intimate happening. Is your curiosity piqued yet as to what could and could not occur?
At which stage a couple stood during the courtship dance determined what they could and could not do, be it traveling unchaperoned, sitting in a room alone together, offering gifts, corresponding, dancing at a ball, or otherwise. Location and relation had a great deal to determine what they could and could not do, as well as country life vs city life holding different rules and expectations, not to mention if the intended couple were familial friends or related. This makes some of the rules loosey goosey since one couple might be allowed to travel unchaperoned while another couple wouldn’t, all during the same stage of courtship. Let us explore this in more depth!
Introduction/Flirtation Phase
The most common matches were those amongst neighbors and relations since these were the people one associated with on a daily basis, the same social circle. Strangers rarely matched with strangers, as we’ve already discussed. That people were in the same social circle also meant far more flexibility in what they could and could not do together. The strict etiquette we often see is only between strangers. Likewise, if someone were a cousin, there would be no restrictions in what they could or could not do together, including traveling unchaperoned.
Conversation restrictions were more to do with social connection than era etiquette. One did not converse with a stranger about anything more than the weather, but one could converse with a cousin or neighbor about any myriad of topic.
During the introduction phase, the woman held the power. Her family must approve all her choices, of course, and the young lady would have it no other way since the young lady would rely on their good advice and judgement, but it was the woman who could discourage advances, refuse to receive courtship, decline a caller, decline a proposal, decline a dance invitation, etc.
Allowed vs Not Allowed
In the country and/or with a family friend or relation as suitor:
Can converse in public without being overheard but always under the watchful eyes of friends and family
Can dance together freely
Can greet each other in public as known parties
Can walk together along the street for short distances
Cannot travel together or be alone unless already entered the courtship phase
In the city:
Can converse in public but will be overheard by chaperone or friends and family
Can dance together only once per evening and only after being partnered by a third-party acquaintance
Can walk together along the street for short distances only if a chaperone or friend or family is present
Cannot acknowledge each other unless family and friends initiate the introduction
Cannot touch in any way, be it hands or otherwise
Cannot travel together or be alone
The introduction phase is just that—an introduction. Two people are meeting each other in public. There are no opportunities to touch, talk at length, travel, walk together, or otherwise. This is far more open in the country and with a relation or family friend as a suitor, of course, since even in the introduction phase, the two parties would already be acquainted.
The family is heavily involved during this phase to ensure the gentleman shows nothing but respect and to ensure he is interested in moving towards courtship (or not). This is all to safeguard the young lady from seducers and fortune hunters and maintain the family’s reputation along with the young lady’s. Unless a pair were related or already close friends of the family, never would the two be allowed alone together, all conversations shared with family present.
Courtship
Before declaring himself, a gentleman is free to change his mind and pay his addresses to someone else. Once introduced, which if we recall is the “signal” that the two people have their family’s permission to marry, then courtship may begin at any point if either gentleman or lady act amenable to the pursuit.
There is no “permission to court” or official courting stage. There is the introduction, and then all that occurs between that point and betrothal is courting if either party takes any action at all towards flirtation, be it flowers, an invitation to dance, or otherwise.
The tricky part is timing and appearance. If a gentleman is too much in a woman’s company or took too long to declare himself, it could be assumed they are engaged, so that time between introduction and betrothal needs to be well defined to avoid confusion, ruined reputations, awkwardness, etc. No room for niceties—either the parties are interested or not. Now, either party could show disinterest during courtship at any time, especially since it was likely that both parties would be courting multiple suitors simultaneously to gauge where affections lie, but one does not play with fire without knowing a bouquet could lead to marriage.
Courtship in the country may only last a week or two. Courtship in the city is apt to last longer since there would be more suitors, more party engagements, and less time for togetherness. Courtship in the city could last a month or more before a declaration is expected.
Allowed vs Not Allowed
In the country and/or with a family friend or relation as suitor:
Can share semi-private conversation
Can dance twice per evening together
Can receive flowers from suitor
Can be in a room alone together for short intervals
Can walk unchaperoned if in public
Can share an open carriage together in public
Can touch hand to forearm if terrain is uneven
Can correspond if letters are shared openly with family
Can receive gifts but discouraged until betrothed. Gifts such as a book of poetry would be acceptable
In the city:
Can share semi-private conversation if chaperone is present
Can dance once per evening together
Can receive flowers from suitor
Can walk in public if chaperoned
Can share an open carriage together in public
Cannot touch unless the situation warrants it, such as slippery footing
Cannot correspond, not unless betrothed
Cannot receive gifts, not unless betrothed
Cannot accompany each other to events
Betrothal
A betrothal was legally binding. A gentleman did not propose, and a lady did not accept without knowing the consequences. Considering an assumed betrothal by the public held the same consequences, both parties would do all they could not to find themselves in a misunderstanding.
A betrothal could be broken only two ways:
by mutual agreement (although that could lead to tarnished reputations depending on how much time had elapsed and how much in each other’s company the two parties have been)
by the young lady withdrawing from the suit.
A gentleman could not break a betrothal without legal repercussions, only the lady.
Considering a betrothal was as good as married in the eyes of society, the couple was allowed ample freedom. This, of course, made it more difficult to sever a betrothal or weather scandal if the betrothal was more assumption than reality (such as in the case of Marianne Dashwood and Mr. Willoughby).
Allowed vs Not Allowed
In the country and/or with a family friend or relation as suitor:
Can exchange gifts
Can correspond via letters
Can be in a room alone together
Can travel together in an open carriage unchaperoned for short distances (such as to the next village)
Can walk together in public unchaperoned
Can touch hand to arm
In the city:
Can exchange gifts
Can correspond via letters
Can be in a room alone together for short periods of time
Can share an open carriage in public unchaperoned
Can walk the public park unchaperoned
Can walk public areas, like shops, unchaperoned
Can touch hand to arm, although it’s discouraged unless there is uneven terrain
Can travel together only if chaperoned
The lists provided in each of these stages are simply examples of things that may or may not be allowable. When in doubt, we must consider three factors:
Is it town or country?
Is the couple betrothed or not?
Is there a familial connection or not?
When it comes to a young lady accompanied by a gentleman, be it through a park or to the next village, let’s put these three factors into action to see what we get:
Town or Country:
In the country, rules are loosey goosey. It is not at all uncommon for a young lady to walk alone or walk with an unmarried gentleman, although the distance and location are limited for safety, such as walking to and from church, to and from a neighbor’s house, around one’s own land, etc, all being acceptable but not, say, as far as to a neighboring village.
In town, walking anywhere alone with a gentleman is discouraged.
In the country, one’s unmarried friends can serve as chaperones if a chaperone is needed.
In town, another unmarried lady is not an appropriate chaperone.
In town, a young lady is offered leniency only if she has been out for a couple of years, the tightest restrictions being on those newly out. Regardless of age, no young lady can attend a social event without an appropriate companion, social events including the opera, theatre, balls, etc.
Betrothed or Not:
If a couple are betrothed, they can travel short distances together, walk and ride together, and enjoy each other’s company without a chaperone as long as all is conducted openly
If a couple are not betrothed, they cannot be in a room alone, travel together in any fashion unchaperoned unless it is in an open carriage within a public area in full view of everyone, otherwise their reputations will be compromised
Familial Connection or Not:
If the couple are close family friends or have a familial connection, however distant, even by way of in-laws, they can enjoy each other’s company more freely unchaperoned, be it in town or country.
Let’s suppose we’re not betrothed, there is no familial connection, and we’re in town. This means we need a chaperone!
Chaperones
There are restrictions on who is eligible to serve as chaperone, but the restrictions depend a good deal on the occasion:
All unmarried ladies under 30 should have a chaperone
A chaperone should be a married or widowed woman of equal or greater social standing (arguably a spinster over 30 could be considered acceptable, depending on circumstance)
A chaperone should be of higher social standing, ideally one’s mother, relation, or sponsor
In desperate times, a servant (such as a groom or abigail) could serve as a chaperone, but only in a public setting, such as a walk through the park, a ride, a quick stop into a shop, etc. A servant would not be acceptable as a chaperone at a social event or for non-public situations (eg. heroine will not be in a closed carriage with a gentleman with or without a servant)
A gentleman, married or unmarried, cannot serve as a chaperone for any reason
A male relation, be it father, brother, or otherwise, is not an acceptable chaperone except the most mundane situations, such as if a gentleman calls and the only other family member present to accept that call is the father. They cannot, for example, serve as chaperones to a social event like a ball.
So, let’s sum this up:
In town, an unmarried lady can enjoy an unmarried gentleman’s company unchaperoned if:
The couple are openly courting or engaged
The couple are related
The carriage is open (to afford no chance for privacy)
The couple are observed at all times by people with no chance for privacy, such as a ride during the fashionable hour or a walk in the more crowded areas of the park
In the country, an unmarried lady can enjoy an unmarried gentleman’s company unchaperoned if:
The couple are openly courting or engaged
The couple are related
The carriage is open
The couple are walking through the village or known destinations (such as to church)
The couple are close family friends
The couple are connected by marriage, such as the sibling of an in-law
The no nos (unless already betrothed):
The two should not be in a room alone together for longer than a few minutes
The two cannot travel together in a closed carriage or for long distances or out of the public eye in an open carriage (if a chaperone were present, this was more flexible)
The two cannot call on each other unless accompanied by family for the lady or if the family were present in the room for the gentleman
A young lady cannot attend a social event, be it a tea, ball, or otherwise, alone, much less on the arm of a gentleman not her relation
The two cannot walk alone together out of sight of others if attending a social function, such as an estate picnic, a soiree, etc.
Which rules did you already know, and which surprised you?